Ten Kinds of People I Cannot Help by Joseph Mattera

Ten Kinds of People I Cannot Help

By  Joseph Mattera

As a pastor for more than 26 years, I have a desire to help everyone. But, I have learned the hard way that I cannot help every person who attends our church or who comes to me for input.
The following are ten kinds of people I have identified that are so entrenched in certain habit patterns that I cannot help them advance to the next level unless they make the necessary shift in their attitude or behavior.

I. Those who do not take responsibility for themselves

The first step towards self-improvement is to remove all excuses for mediocrity or
failure. Those that continually blame other people for their failures will never go to the
next level. Leaders can complain about their spouses, the income level of their
congregations, the lack of staff, etc. but I have learned that within every challenge is the
seed of opportunity for success which requires the creativity of problem solving.

II. Those that do not have a heart to seek God

The Bible teaches us that “the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom” (Proverbs
9:10). Those who do not respect God enough to seek Him and study His word so they can
make wise decisions in life are violating Scripture (Joshua 1:8-9) and cannot be helped
either by myself or any other leader or minister. Those who do not obey what God
requires for success have decided to try to be successful in life without God’s blessings!

III. Those that create distance so they are not accountable

There are certain people I have met in our church who only let others get so close before
cutting off the relationship. Many go from one church to the next because they fear
becoming too close to a leader who will hold them accountable. Often some will attempt
to attend a megachurch where they will be able to hear the word of God in the context of
a large crowd so that no one will really know who they are. Whether it is fear or
rebellion, those who live like this have put a low ceiling on their lives and will not grow
past the infant stage concerning their potential in life.

IV. Those who insist on having a negative outlook on life

There are some people who refuse to exercise faith in God or think positively as the
Word of God commands us in Philippians 4:8. This is because some have a propensity to
expect the worst in life so they are never disappointed by anyone or anything! This is a
weird way some folks attempt to shield their emotions from the pain of disappointment; it
is a very common practice with many people. Jesus often told people that they would
receive according to how they believed (for example Matthew 8:13). Proverbs 23:7
teaches that as a person thinks in their heart so they will be. I cannot empower a person
who refuses to think God’s thoughts about themselves and about life.

V. Those that refuse to have a vision for their future

There are many very talented and anointed people I have been in relationship with who
live their lives without any strategic plan or vision for their future. They are just living
from day-to-day to prepare for their retirement. Those who are successful have a
compelling vision that drives them daily and which feeds their souls even more than the
desire to make money! Inside of every believer is a God-given kingdom vision for their
future. If a person refuses to tap into that as their guiding light–and value that vision as
their barometer for success–then my continual pep talks will not do the trick either!

VI. Those who live in self-deception

There are many people who are living lives of denial regarding their relationships with
God and their families and all things regarding their inner and outer lives. The sad thing
is that denial is the first step to outright deception in which a person concocts an
alternate, false reality that continually feeds their mind and emotions the things they want
to hear about themselves and their key relationships. This insulates them from the word
of the Lord from others and the Holy Spirit. When you confront people like this they
become upset and blame you for not understanding them or for wrongfully accusing them
of something. These are the people I cannot help unless God steps in and delivers them
from satanic deception (read 2 Timothy 2:23-25).

VII. Those who do not want to pay the price for success

There are many in the church that want the perks of success but don’t want to pay the
price for success.
When I was a teenager I had a goal of becoming a master guitar player. For seven years I
practiced the guitar for 3-8 hours per day as well as playing in numerous bands. While
my friends were outside playing ball or wasting time doing drugs I would shut myself up
in my house and study jazz, rock, blues, classical, etc. and spend hours doing scales on
my guitar (which I often did even while watching television). Because of this sacrifice I
gained mastery over my instrument in various kinds of music and was in high demand as
a musician.
Whatever we do in life, we are called to sacrifice our time, invest our talents, and be
committed to a long, grueling process with many setbacks until we reach our peak
performance. This kind of sacrifice is needed in every area we desire success in including
our marriages, relationships with our children, leading a company or a church, etc.
Consequently, I have found that I am not able to empower a person to the fullness of their
destiny if they don’t want to work hard at self-improvement.

VIII. Those whose primary agenda is individualistic and not kingdom-oriented

There are some people whose only agenda in life is to advance their own agenda. They
don’t want to work with a team or flow in the context of a local church. They want me to
pour my life into them but they are rarely ever willing to pour back into the church and
serve in the Kingdom of God. I have learned that those who only want to use the church
or God to advance their own agendas (even if it is ministry related) have greatly limited
their own lives. Thus, I back away from these people until they change. This is because
we are all called to seek first God’s kingdom in which we need to die to our
individualistic sense of destiny and sacrifice and invest our time for the good of the Body
of Christ. This in turn will do more to release our greatest destiny–even more than if we
only concentrate on our own agendas!

IX. Those who refuse to keep covenant

I have been with very talented individuals with great calling on their lives that I had to
back away from because they did not know how to remain faithful to their obligations or
because they broke confidence by continually talking behind other people’s backs. God
says that a person who doesn’t keep their word (whatever the cost) and who slanders their
neighbor cannot dwell in His tents (Psalm 15:3-4) so who am I to think that this kind of
person can dwell in my inner circle for personal development!

X. Those who lack transparency, humility, and integrity

The Bible teaches us to walk in the light as He is in the light (1 John 1:7). It also teaches
us to confess our faults to one another and pray for one another that we may be healed
(James 5:16). Those that do not admit their faults and confess their sins cannot have the
kind of relationship with a mentor suitable for personal growth. It is important for me to
have a transparent relationship with those I am mentoring since a person who conceals
their sins from me is not giving me a chance to fully speak into their life and help them in
their areas of weakness. Those who want to progress in their spiritual formation have to
learn to practice the spiritual discipline of confession of sin (Proverbs 28:13).

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